Bestest Shortbread

1/2 cup corn starch

1/2 cup icing sugar

1 cup flour

1 cup room temperature butter

A smidgen of baking powder

Sift corn starch, icing sugar and flour.  Blend butter in until soft dough forms.  Drop by tsp onto an ungreased cookie sheet 2" apart.  Bake at 300 for 15-20 minutes until edges are lightly browned.

Happy Canada Day.

If I had one wish for this Canada Day, it would be that the next time my MP is in Parliament, that they look around and genuinely regard their fellow Members as friends to work with and not enemies to crush.

Happy Canada Day.

I Am Muse

I am the compass and you the direction.
Ever to travel; Odyssey of reflection.
I am your blindfold that shows you the light.
I am the handicap that brings you your sight.
I am the thorns, tears, sun and the rain,
I am the storms, winds, tragedy and pain.

I am your soul, exposed, raw and fresh.
I am your torture and suffering of flesh.
I am your discontent and your elation.
I am your peace, and nervous frustration.

I ebb and I flow. I come and I go.
I am the journey both rapid and slow.
You must yield to me. I alone set you free.
For I am the evidence of your epiphany.

Sometimes Coffee Just Doesn't Do It.

But these buggers will.  Strawberry Bran Muffins. Vegan and good for you.

I had a craving for bran muffins.  Haven't had them in a long time.  I groove on the challenge to vegan-ize a recipe and still have it as good or better than the traditional.  These are pretty damned good.  Note:  bran and strawberries are natural laxatives so best stick to one or two at a time.  Either way, the farts are magic. 


Cup of wheat bran
Cup of whole wheat flour
Half cup of flax meal
tsp each of baking powder and baking soda
half cup of almond milk (you can use vanilla flavoured if you like)
1/4 cup of molasses
Half cup of strawberry puree (blend the bejeesus out a bunch of strawberries)
2 tblspoons of vegetable oil
1.5 tsp of Egg Replacer (mixed with 2 tblspoons of water) or if you don't care about vegan then just use a beaten egg

Mix the dry stuff in a bowl. Mix the wet stuff in a bowl. Mix the wet into the dry. Grease a muffin thing and spoon batter into it. Bake at 400 until the muffins pull away from the muffin thing - about 12 minutes.

If this recipe isn't manly enough for you, serve it with a shot of Jack and a Cuban cigar.

Echoes in the Borealis

Amanda Dei - Lost 2-11-13

She would sing and the lights would come
In the land of the midnight sun.

The North is cold and in despair
Now that Mandy isn't there.

No wolves howl.
All ravens quiet.
The bear's asleep.
The music silent.

Arctic Muse frigid and still
Bows to sorrow's morbid will.

No Northern wind nor icy breeze;
Just vacant hearts and tears that freeze.

The No Pants Chorus in the night
Now echoes in the Northern Lights.

Emergency Chocolate Chip Cookies. Craving killer in less than 15 minutes.

3 heaping handfuls of flour (about 2.5 cups)
Pinch of baking soda
Pinch of salt
Handful of butter (about a cup)
handful of sugar (almost a cup)
handful of brown sugar (almost a cup)
Squirt of vanilla
2 eggs
2 handfuls of chocolate bits of any kind
Handful of walnuts if you like

Turn the oven on, quick! 375-ish. Throw flour baking soda, salt in a small bowl and swish it around and set it aside for a sec. Throw butter, sugar, brown sugar and vanilla in a bowl. Grab a beater and beat it like it owes you money. Toss in the eggs. Pick out the shells. Beat in the flour stuff. Throw in the chocolate and walnut bits. Make ping pong sized balls on a baking sheet and bake for 10 minutes. 

Wash your hands.  You should wait till they're cool or you're going to burn your mouth.  Handfuls are man-sized hands so adjust accordingly.

People, if you freeze a batch ahead of time it could save your life.  Freeze the balls, not the whole thing.

Lactic Levity

So on a completely different level, a friend of mine inspired some Lactic Levity.  Forgive the baseness, but it was in context during composition.

An Ode to Yogurt Farts: 

Between thine cultured and creamy cheeks, 
Did God breathe divine pops and squeaks.

Marching hosts of Angels Blue
And Choirs of Trouser Trumpets true.

Cast down holy and almighty thunder,
To pants below with Yogurt Chunder.

Be Ye Baptized! the Lord Presumes
In Yogen Fruz and Yoplait's fumes.

Communion wine no more to drink
Unholy is the rectal stink.

Blessed is the lactic gas,
For Dairy's Gospel wind shall pass.

Thank you. Thank you very much.